How to Connect Emotionally with a Song: What Ryan Gosling's 'I'm Just Ken' Can Teach Singers

How to Connect Emotionally with a Song: What Ryan Gosling's 'I'm Just Ken' Can Teach Singers

Have you ever finished singing a song and thought, "The notes were right, but something was missing"?

One of the most common questions I hear from singers is, "How do I connect more emotionally with a song?"

Oddly enough, watching Ryan Gosling's performance of I'm Just Ken made me think about exactly this. In interviews, he described feeling as though it wasn't him singing at all- he said “Ken sang that song. I never sang like that in my life. I don't know why or how that happened."

I have experienced this sort of ‘out of body experience’ or flow state whilst singing myself, am lucky enough to bear witness to many of the singers I work with when they have those magical experiences too. When we hear our vocal imaginations realised in ways that we may not have consciously intended, in ways that embody something that we can’t quite put our finger on, but are experiencing on a visceral level. This state can seem hard to come by on an average Tuesday, singing over Zoom, or even in one of our more routine gigs, when we are painfully aware of our limitations and the mundane features of our everyday lives.

As a means of trying to put what they feel is missing from their performance into into words, singers will often ask “How can I make it sound more interesting?” And the answer is rarely simple. The truth is, when singers (and I am one myself so I am speaking about myself here too!) are trying to sound a certain way (interesting is a word that come sup a lot) they rarely achieve what they are aiming for. Instead we are more likely to come across as insincere, forced and to feel anything but a state of flow. No Kenergy whatsoever. Can you relate to this?

Going back to Gosling’s quote, there is so much to unpick here. Obviously it WAS him who performed the song. So what does he mean by saying it was Ken? And what can we as singers take from his statement of modesty and confusion?

You may have heard people on TV shows like X Factor use ambiguous terms such as ‘connecting to a song.’ or “Making it your own.’ And when we study peak performance we often talk about getting into ‘flow state.’ Many of us instinctively understand these terms on a theoretical level, but what does any of this actually mean in practical terms?

I did a little bit of research into Ryan Gosling’s acting style, and discovered that as a child he treated acting as an opportunity "to teach myself about myself.” Essentially approaching his work from a place of curiosity and learning and rather than from a place of already knowing, This to me is the difference between trying to sound interesting, and accidentally being interesting as a result of being interested.

Next time you’re singing a song and feel like something is missing, try considering the following elements.

1) Who are you?

Who is singing the song? The answer to this is a bit more complex than simply ‘myself.’ Of course it is you, but whose story are you telling? Is it Ken’s? If so, spend some time getting to know Ken in a bit more detail. How old is he? What are his likes/dislikes? Strengths/weaknesses? If we want to go really deep= what’s his attachment style? Myers Briggs type? etc etc.

2) Who are you singing to?

Who is the intended listener of the song? i.e. Who is the above person singing to?Is Ken singing to himself? If so, what part of himself? The confident part? His future self? His inner child? If its not to himself, who is it? Is he singing to Barbie? What part of Barbie is he appealing to? The list goes on…

3) What are you doing?

Visualise what the person who is singing is actually doing while singing the song. Is it a live gig? Are they at home alone? Walking in the park? Adding a visual element will all give your brain helpful stimuli which will help it tap into more of the delicious subconscious stuff that we all carry around with us.

There isn't one right answer. The goal isn't to analyse the song perfectly; it's to give your brain different possibilities to explore and to become so engaged with the person, the story and the situation that emotional expression begins to emerge naturally. Sometimes changing one detail completely transforms the way a song feels to sing.

If nothing else, you will be taking your brain and your body on a sensory journey, which will open it up to doing new things.

Want to learn more? I am an International vocal coach who specialises in online singing lessons. Lets have a free chat about your singing and see if I can help you.